29 July 2018

This week in the life of Gabrielle has been quite eventful. For the most part I’ve spent this entire weekend thinking about rendering and what exactly goes into that. Essentially I’ve boiled it down to understanding form and how light and shadow interact with surfaces. Through ArtStation’s Instagram page I stumbled on this really awesome tutorial by an artist called Anthony Jones which focuses on “painting like a sculptor”. I have been attempting to paint “photo-realistically” for a long time now, I’ve worked with multiple 3D programs and have even worked full time as a CG lighter for a hot minute. Besides doing countless master studies working with 3D Software like Maya and ZBrush gives you a new way of thinking and visualising form, one that is key for creating photoreal art. It is safe to say that I have fallen in love with lighting, the tutorial that I found unlocked something for me, all because of something that Anthony Jones said. He said “stay consistent with the direction of your shadows”. I tend to get caught up in all the craziness of a painting at times with the Ambient Occlusion, Ambient Light, Directional Light and all other insane factors that contribute to lighting in a piece looking “realistic”. His advice reminded me to go back and calm the fuck down, to take it one element at a time and the results have been amazing. The latest MWG that I did and the Warrior Princess painting where examples of that. I think I’ve levelled up and I like it! From now on Anthony Jones tutorials will definitely make their way into my Dropbox and I may even apply for one of his mentorship programs at some point. 

In other news I’ve started with laser hair removal again. This is a big deal to me mainly because the last time I went for a session it hurt so bad that I balled out crying like a baby. In front of the doctor, his assistants and everyone at the clinic. I don’t know if it was a harsh jolt of Estrogen mixed in with the incredible pain of the laser piercing my flesh but that shit killed me! (Metaphorically speaking). I have been doing laser hair removal on my face and other parts of my body for about 3 years now and something like that had never happened before. I had a bit of PTSD going into the session this past week (I have to admit) but in the end I was able to grin and bear it like a champ. Just some of the things Girls Like Us have to deal with on a regular. 

I don’t think I’ve mentioned on here that I regularly see a psychologist, I’ve been going to see her for about the same time that I’ve been getting hair lasered off of my body. She’s my “Oracle” like in The Matrix; she’s very wise and often gives me the best advice. I have to attribute a huge part of the person that I am today to her. This past week we spoke about something that has haunted me for years; my depression. It is something that I’ve struggled with since I was 8 years old and to this day has never left my side, it is soul crushing and punishing at times but if I hadn’t fought it off for as long as I have I would probably be dead. This “being” has been so evident in my life that I decided to give it a name... Jugganaut. Yes like the red helmet-wearing X-Men villain. My psychologist calls it the Red Jugganaut. It is immense - it is colosal and it makes me want to cry, it tells me that I should go with it and end the suffering... that I should take my own life. So far he has not succeeded but he is with me 4Life unfortunately. My psychologist made it clear to me that the Jugganaut was indeed real and a creation of my own imagination at the same time. For he was a thought pattern subconscious created by my brain when life altering things happened to me. She let me know that it was treatable and that with her help I could beat it. I’ll keep you posted on the developments of this story.