I still have it inside me

These past few weeks in the life of Gabrielle have been a whirlwind of ups and downs. In case this is your first time reading one of these; at the start of 2019 I decided to leave my full time studio job in order to pursue a life as an independent artist. In addition to that I moved into a new apartment with my girlfriend and her 1 year old daughter, this combination of things might seem like an insanely ludicrous idea to some but hey; I thought I’d give it a try. The last thing I want with my life is to reach a point when I’m old and grey where I’m wondering what if... what if I had given it a shot. 

I thought together (me & my girlfriend) we could make ourselves stronger and work in unison towards one common goal. It was then that the day to day insanities began to occur; the constant clashes with my girlfriend, the constant day to day issues that seemed minor at the time but when accumulated where enough to drive a sane person bonkers. The amount of money that I had to spend on the two people who were now living with me; on pure essentials alone. A total recipe for disaster is what it ended up becoming. Instead of taking my money and investing it in my new business, investing it in paid advertising I had to use it on the two individuals living with me and that drove me mad because on one the hand it was counter intuitive to the bigger picture. On the other I love my girlfriend and I’ve gotten used to the idea that having a daughter can be quite rewarding. 

So that brings us to the present day. Am I still willing to give the independent artist idea a shot? Hell yes! The biggest problem that that presents is that trying to do that whilst financially and emotionally supporting a family of three brings me to a hurtful conclusion and realisation. I am either going to have to break up with my girlfriend and do this on my own or I am going to have to accept that it will take me a lot longer to make my mission a success.

The one thing I hear over and over again is be patient, be patient and you will see that things will start happening as long as you do the work. On the professional side I don’t stop working, I’m like a machine. Just constantly working on my craft 8hours+ Monday to Friday and beyond. I sleep, eat and breathe art and creation. My following has grown exponentially in the past month and a half and that is due to the non stop content that I keep pumping out on a weekly basis. Things are working organically, but they would be working a lot faster if I had money to invest in paid advertising. This frustrates me insanely. I wish things were different, but they are not. I am at a crossroads, struggling hard to make all of this a reality whilst knowing that eliminating one big part of my life would ease things up tremendously… I just don’t know if I can make that decision.

I do know a couple of things that bring me comfort though. I know that I have financial help that believes in me whole-heartedly. I know that I will never stop working as hard as I do, it’s not in me to do so. I know that my passion for my work and my hunger to succeed is so immense that nothing can change that. I am the Jugganaut after all, I still have it inside me and he’s not leaving my side anytime soon. We’ll see how things proceed in the coming months. One more detail that brings me tons of joy is that I have you guys now, that my following is extremely interactive and you give me strength when I’m feeling low. I am becoming stronger by the day and I don’t want it to stop, no matter what decisions I end up making.